Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Approaching goal weight and scared

I've been "going to" lose weight for as many years as I can remember. With another 500g loss and a total of 11.4kg of weight shed since this Weight Watchers venture began, I am realising slowly that I "am" losing weight and soon, I will be in my healthy weight range.

It is all rather strange. I think I have reached yet another stumbling block in my psychological journey.

You see, it scares me.

I know it sounds crazy and you're thinking I must be a drama queen because who is afraid of actually getting to goal, right? Well, I don't think I am a drama queen, but I really am kind of scared of letting go of what I have always known. If I am no longer "overweight" then I lose a comfortable label and I have to find other ways to describe myself. Do you get what I mean?

I first realised that I had this little fear the other day when I was chatting to Sister B. I said to her that I seemed to be lacking motivation at the moment. I have been snacking more, caring less and not tracking my Points (even though it is so easy with the online tracker!). The weight loss has subsequently slowed down.

As I talked to her though, I realised that because I don't need it as much (I now fit into my clothes, people comment on how good I am looking etc.) I lack the motivation I had in the beginning. She said "But you are almost there! A few good weeks and you will be in your weight range. How can that not be motivating?"

Light bulb moment.

I am scared of being in my healthy weight range, I thought to myself.

To reach goal means that I won't be "trying to lose weight" or "on a diet". Does that equate to having to accept what I look like? And if I am not dieting, does that mean I think I look/feel okay?

It is all too weird! What does one do if they are not dieting???

It has been too long for me to remember. "Yeah. I suppose" is all I said to my sis.

So I have been "watching my thoughts" since that little communication interchange. It isn't pretty in here, I can tell you that.

So, here's an example of my recent thinking. I have always been an active person, and the C25k program has helped me to venture into the world of running. The interval training has been great for my weight loss but it really is challenging a) to find the time to train 3 times a week and b) to get through the sessions (I am now running for 8 minute intervals).

So the other night while I was puffing my way through a 5 minute run, I found myself thinking, if I complete my "diet" will I still run? Am I getting anything out of it other than a few Acitivity Points?

When I really think about it, I am. It clears my head, gives me some time-out from the world, an opportunity to listen to some good music and some fresh air after a long day with the kids. But the reason I do it, is for the Activity Points. So, if I am not "trying to lose weight"? Where does running fit in? See, it is scary and hard to reorganise your thoughts.

I am happy that I have realised this about myself because I have an opportunity to fix it now. I feel I have "wasted" a couple of weeks not really following the program properly when I could have and been even further along the pathway to my healthy weight range. But at least now I won't waste any more time.

I have 2 more weeks of WW and blogging and I have re-committed! So it is another 2 kilos in 2 weeks for me. The keys to my success will be:

A) 6-8 glasses of H2O per day

B) No more than 4 Points worth of snacks per day and

C) Track my Points on the online tracker (ALL of them, no matter what)

So what about you? Are you an ex-dieter who has reached your weight destination? How have you handled the change in cognitive processing?


jaqs said...

Coo, bit of a late reply. How are you going now with it? I've been up and own from goal ever since T1 was born. You have to be so careful, not to say 'I don't have to diet anymore' or 'I won't need the activity points'.. I've found it's so tricky to keep a balance when you're not dieting, but not to overeat.. it's just adjusting your points up a bit, not a wild free for all! Damnit!

Lucy Mulvany said...

You know my story - the idea of me losing ALL the weight I need to lose freaks me out entirely. But, some digging around in my grey matter helps expose some reasons why and some methods to resolve...xx

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