Here is the first instalment of what I believe will be a fascinating series on Anorexia Nervosa.
Imagine the scenario....
You are 21 years old and should be living up these gregarious, responsibility-free years, but instead you are trapped in your own mind in a very black place. No-one outside can penetrate your thoughts or beliefs and make you see reason.
Your main priority in your day-to-day life is to starve to the point of lightheadedness; to see how little you can eat, see how hungry you can get, how much exercise you can do, and show how strong willed you are.
Your thoughts from the moment of waking up are focussed on how much you weigh or what you are going to eat that day or how you are going to escape people's comments or demands to eat and being around food, all while going through the motions of holding down a full-time job.
If you weigh 0.2kg more than the day before, your day is destined to be emotionally torturous.
If you weigh any more than you did half an hour earlier, your day will be equally as emotionally torturous, and sometimes you want to die.
Weight, food, how long until your head will let you eat, what you will eat, how boney you feel, how many ribs you can see, how prominent your hip bones are, what you look like in the reflection of the window, what rules you have about food and eating, constantly moving and burning energy.....round and round, these thoughts are all you can focus on all day.
You become a very good liar, to others and yourself.
All the while wondering when you might start to look thin.
By the end of the day you are drained beyond belief, but somehow you get a high from the knowledge you will do it all again tomorrow.
The scenario is anorexia nervosa at 34kg.
This was my life, but I didn't think there was a problem at all.
How did that snapshot make you feel? Pretty exhausted? Please leave a comment below for my friend to read and then tune in for the next installment next Tuesday.