Friday, 10 December 2010

The eyes have it

Image credit
I got contacted by an old friend to be "friends" on Facebook.

He was my boyfriend at the end of school. I use the world 'boyfriend' quite liberally here because it was only a couple of months between the HSC and my trip to Germany, but it was a really fun time. I was completely enamoured with him and thought he was the most attractive guy ever.

We played. Watched sunsets at the beach. Drank lots of alcohol. Laughed. And listened to music.

So after nearly 20 years, there has been contact.

I frantically languidly clicked over to the profile page to check out any available photos. What can I say? I was curious. Sadly, all of his pictures are private. So I only had his profile photo to look at.

I was surprised to discover that he is still a very handsome man. He has these gorgeous eyes, you see, and no matter how much older his face has become (not really that much it seems), his eyes are still the same. Blue. Clear. I used to get lost in those eyes.

I am not accepting his friend request. He is probably a boring old office worker with four kids just like me. I prefer the memories of us as young and foolish and learning about love and other stuff.

So I took one last look at those amazing eyes of his and passed up the opportunity to re-enter his life.

Some things are best left in the past methinks.

Are you friends with any of your ex-es on Facebook? How does that go for you?

Mummy from the Heart is hosting the Multiples Mayhem carnival, so if you are into the world of multiples, click over and check it out. You might find a familiar face in the crowd :)

21 comments:

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

I am FB friends with several former boyfriends. These boyfriends are all from the high school era, so in the grand scheme of things, they never were very serious.

Honestly I wasn't wild about accepting some of their friend requests at first, but that's when I was newer to FB. I've since come to realize that my entire hometown seems to be friends on FB, so I accepted the requests without much worry.

The strangest was getting a friend request from the mother of my most serious boyfriend (10th grade through freshman year of college). We were pretty serious, and most everyone in my hometown thought we would marry. I loved his family, especially his mom. I accepted her request, and I exchanged nice notes with her, although we never mentioned her son's name. She comments from time to time on the girls' pictures. It's still a little strange to me, but I try not to think about it. For me, it would have been even more strange not to accept her request.

I do love that you prefer to keep this guy in your past, and think of him only as a fond memory. Very cool...and restrained. I would probably be too curious to see what he was doing. :)

life in a pink fibro said...

Clever girl. Some memories are best left untainted. x

Lucy said...

I could have written this myself.
I too have ignored the requests. I am happy in the knowledge that he looked me up. That will have to be enough.

Lulu said...

Aaah I think you should accept it! I've accepted a few friends from long, long past and had a BALL laughing about the past.

Oh but then there was the male friend I knew from when I was 10. His GF got onto his account and blocked me from his wall. Charming.

Emma jane said...

What a pretty post :) beautifully written

Rachel said...

I am friends with one ex... it was a brief strange relationship... He is now in a relationship and has a child from that relationship... Its all cool... we pass the odd hello but that's about it... and Im happy for it to stay right where it is... I do think you are very wise in keeping it all as a memory....

Maxabella said...

Perfect. x

StellaPreston said...

I had an old boyfriend on facebook for a short period of time and although I adore my fiance and our life together, I found myself thinking about old memories with the ex so I deleted him.

I didn't want to be a part of his life now, I wanted to go back to those days (if that makes sense).

Some things are definitely better left in this past :)

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Old flings, I accept on FB if we've parted on good terms. There are a few of them, some of who are still in my life and have become good friends with the Manchild!

The ex-boyfriend on the other hand (the only other long term relationship I've been in), I have blocked after he tried to add me a few times. Things got pretty messy when he split and he's just not a nice person. Definitely someone to stay in the past!

DancingInTheRain said...

Excellent! Thanks. Good to think about which relationships/friendships are better looking back on than being in now.

Miss Reviewer said...

What a gorgeous blog! Well done for ignoring his friend request. XO

Gill@OurParklife said...

just one, we were together for 8 years so we are still friends....

but it is always strange when you get a facebook blast from the past. I am always filled with a mixture of dread and curiosity!

Gill xo

Sarah said...

I don't have an ex's on FB but funnily enough my sister has one of MY ex's on her FB.

She asked me to clean up her friends list (she only has an iphone and apparently you can't delete friends using an iphone).

Once i was finished deleting some people I had a quick look on his profile. He looks cute, bit of a bogan though. I don't think I'd want ex's on my FB knowing my business though.

Kamarine said...

I'm only friends on FB with exes I'm actually friends with. Which is two. But one doesn't really count.

I don't really understand why people feel the need to expand their lists on FB. Why add someone you knew millions of years ago if you're not going to talk to them? I mean sometimes its hard enough to keep up with your close friends, let alone some people from the past as well.

MultipleMum said...

Totally agree @Karmarine. FB is a strange extension of the popularity contests in the school yard. Not into it!

x0xJ said...

I'm actually really anal about FB and have very few friends on there. I don't add people from the past. Yes people. Friends, girl or boy, school peers etc. etc. Even if parted on good terms it takes A LOT for me to accept or at best i accept them for a month and if they don't contact me within that month i remove them.
I think FB for many is a stalking tool, and a popularity thing, it isn't that for me, it's a tool to help keep in contact with those who i would otherwise struggle to.
I like being on the down low in FB people cannot search for me and i even have a phoney surname on there because the drama that can come from that place and to competition of "ohh my life is better see, see, see!" honestly upsets me some days, others it infuriates me, and other days i can see myself getting sucked into it all, so i found putting up some barriers helped. People that moved to my past did for a reason and from my personal expieriance i agree with you in saying some things should be left as fond memories rather than drag it all up, "catch up" and find out well shit people change once they go out there and create a life.

Being Me said...

I reckon you absolutely made the right decision. I just don't get the whole 'loads of followers' thing on FB, lesser still the 'friends' I do have who I never communicate with (seems that FB doesn't actually bring some people closer together but just serves to highlight the lack of connection!).

Shanee said...

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Have a great day!

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

No but I kept checking if a guy I liked from youth group has joined FB.
I would friend him if he did just for curiousity.
Another guy is on my friend's friend list ...I check on him but won't friend him.
I have heard of a few people ditching family and spouses for ex's - itis a minefield.

Tat said...

You are very wise to let it go. I've just met up with an ex that I hadn't seen for years (and I was still crazy about him last time I'd seen him), and my emotions have gone out of control. It was his brother's funeral, so I couldn't not go, and I was sure that the spell has been long gone... not so. Agree with Trish, it's a minefield.

Suzie G said...

No ex's on FB for me. Some friends from the past, with who I exchanged a few emails over a few months, and then that is it. I tend to go through and 'clean out' my list every now and then. I don't understand the whole "I met you for 5 mins, so you can be my fb friend"...

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