Thursday, 25 February 2010

Cranky pants on

Ever had one of those weeks where, no matter how hard you try, you just feel cranky? grumpy? frustrated? like you would like to hurt someone? Well, this has been one of those weeks for me.

It all started on Tuesday morning. No hang on, it was the weekend really, because I was so tired on Tuesday from my weekend antics, that I simply couldn't drag myself out of bed. I literally was shouting/yelling/reprimanding from the moment I woke up, and I just couldn't pull myself together.

Later that day, while feeling laden with Mother's guilt for being such a crosspatch Mum, Sister A called to let me know that one of my old school friends had died. This left me feeling awfully sad. This guy had taken one of life's rockier paths and got himself mixed up with the wrong crowd while indulging in the wrong types of recreational pursuits.

Although it had been many years since I had seen him, I did spend much of my childhood in his warm-hearted company. I feel sadness that he is dead, and I feel especially sad that he died alone. You see, apparently he died on Jan 30th, but the news has only now filtered through to his family. I am yet to know the full story (we are still in touch with his sister) but I am thinking smelly body in the apartment next door type of scenario. Awful.

I went to bed on Tuesday night promising myself that I would wake up happier. Only I didn't.

Yesterday I just took up where I had left off. Yelling. Shouting. Frustrated. And, while I apologised to my children for my mood, I just couldn't shake it.

So I wore my cranky pants all day long. Pulled up high. I got grumpy when Nugget refused to repeat his rendition of his reading homework. I wanted to tear my hair out when Do Dah spent his lunchtime walking around the house instead of sitting at the table. I spat the dummy when Nugget refused to eat his roast chicken dinner (made the WW way with minimal oil). I practically had to muzzle myself to stop myself from swearing at him.

I went to my meditation course last night. I felt like an imposter after all the anger, frustration, irritation and guilt that I have been carrying this week. But I particpated in the meditations, and slowly, I began to feel calmer.

After one and half hours, most of which was spent internally reprimanding myself for not being able to focus, I finished my meditation session and came home. I did feel more relaxed. Less annoyed. Happier. I had worked through some of my issues and made peace with myself for my moods.

I had a nice night chatting to my husband. Overindulged in chocolate bullets (at least 8 Points worth which is unpleasant to contemplate) and went to bed with a feeling that I could have a better day today.

Only I haven't.

The fact that the twins were up at least 5 times between them last night (bloody teeth) and I was too busy eating chocolate bullets to get myself into bed at a reasonable hour, meant that I am, once again, sleep deprived.

This morning I actually SCREAMED at the kids (not a yell or a shout). My husband gave me a time-out because I was so out of control!

So much for Zen. So much for being a good Mum. So much for being a reasonable person. All out the window!

So I sit here at the computer feeling terrible. Guilty for getting so out of control. Annoyed for letting the small things in life get so darned big. Angry for acting like a toddler and modelling such appalling behaviour to my children. What is it with me???

* Post entered in Life in a Pink Fibro's Weekend Rewind on December 11, 2010. Click over to read lots of other old favourites!

Monday, 22 February 2010

Last Chance Workout a winner!

Wow! A week has passed and I haven't had a minute to write my blog. "What is that I do all day?" I often ask myself. I don't seem to be able to find the time to complete any of my "to do list". There always seems to be a hiccough along the way. With the washing it is always at the fold part. I literally have 4 large baskets of clean washing hanging around my loungeroom all the time. With the dishwasher, it is always the unpack part. I quite like packing the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, but I can never seem to find the time to empty it. With the cooking, the hard part for me is always the thinking of what to make bit. I guess that is where Weight Watchers has been really handy for me. I plan for the fortnight, shop for my "dinner list" and then at the end of each day I just have to select something off the list (instead of plucking something out of my head). It really has been another bonus of this Weight Watchers experience. I highly recommend it!


Today is weigh in day. This morning I was woken at the crack of dawn by Dew Drop who is our only early-riser (groan). He woke the Minx this morning too with his carry-on, so after feeding both of them, I decided I might borrow a concept from The Biggest Loser and head out for a "last chance workout". I had quite a snacky week, you see, and a lovely night out with some friends on Friday night which involved a lot of Tapas and white wine (I didn't even attempt to count after the first couple of delicious mouthfuls!). To balance things out, I have been doing my C25K program (which is interval training 3 times a week) as well as another long walk, but you never feel confident when you just know that you overindulged during the week, do you?


Anyway, where was I? That's right. Last Chance Workout. It was great! Exercising at the crack of dawn is far more pleasant than lying in your bed wishing that your 1 year old boy wasn't such an early bird. I think I am starting to transfer my addiction to food to an addiction to low-grade exercise because I actually miss it on the days I don't do it! Strange! A brisk 50 minute walk, approximately 3 bonus Points, is a fantastic way to start the day.


I weighed in when I got home, after a quick drink. I weighed 77.1kg, down another 1.1kg from last week, and 10.8kg overall. Last Chance Workout was a winner for me this morning!!! The whole Tapas night will probably show up on the scales next week (my sister always reckons it takes a week) so I will need to be very diligent this week (could be tricky with the weekend I have planned )


So we move downwards and onwards... This week's goals are: to complete Week 3 of the C25k, track my Points (I have been getting very slack with this the last 2 weeks), drink 6-8 glasses of H2O per day, and save some Points for the weekend!


What are your weight loss goals this week??

Monday, 15 February 2010

What are your weightloss goals this week?

I can't believe how much the number on the scales effects my mood! A good weigh in and I feel great, like I can really do this thing. A "bad" weigh in and I am cactus. After last week's result, where I had put on weight, I have had a pretty down week. Not enough to give in, but enough to make me feel a bit cross and annoyed with myself. A bit, sort of edgy. I had a little tizzy fit.


But I worked really hard this week and started the C25k program. It has been a focused week, but with our "date night" on Saturday night and entertaining guests last night, I still thought it could go either way.


I got on the scales this morning and the result: 1.4kg loss! Whoo hoo.


I have now lost a total of 9.7kg in seven weeks. I am really happy with that. Very close to my pre-baby weight - although not recognisable as my pre-baby body :(


I have another 5 weeks doing the Kidspot/WW challenge (which I am truly grateful for! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Kidspot and Weight Watchers for this life-changing experience!).


Weekly goals:

In the short term, I will complete the Week 2 C25k program this week, start taking a multivitamin tablet daily and try to reorganise my eating to lower GI foods (fuller for longer!).


Program goal:

In the long term, I hope that I can pull up very close to the upper end of my healthy weight range (another 4.2kg). Might be a bit ambitious, but a gal has got to have goals...


What are YOUR goals this week?


*Image borrowed from Drdeclutterblog.com (without permission)

Saturday, 13 February 2010

More floods and meditation matters

The heavens opened again last night. It absolutely bucketed down on our sloping backyard and straight into the house via the gap under the back door. Just like last week, only this week... this week we were ready!

At the first sign of heavy rain, The Geege donned his rain jacket and headed out with the broom. I rolled up the rugs and grabbed multiple towels from the linen cupboard and mopped up the river that was our kitchen and loungeroom. The Geege was calling things out to me like "Bag the back door" (never envisaged that being something I would need to do in my house!) "Stop the flow" etc.

It was an action-packed hour which culminated in The Geege crawling under the back deck (I was crossing my fingers that the rain had flushed away any funnel web spiders that may have been lurking around down there) to hammer out the 'man-hole' on the back deck. Phew. Further flooding averted. Rugs safe. Bonus Points = 1.5.

In the middle of it all, of course, one of the kids woke up. To be fair Doo Dah had had a big day and he was very over-tired by the time he went to bed at 8pm. He is 3 and trying to drop his day sleep (not cool with Mum). He had been at pre-school for the day, refused to nap and then went out to the Nugget's school Welcome BBQ with the family. He was beside himself and during the throws of the house rescue mission awoke screaming, needing cuddles etc. I responded to him, but the whole time was imagining how many litres of water had snuck into the house without my policing (not a very good example of "mindful" parenting!).

On the note of mindful parenting, I have started a Meditation course at the local Buddhist centre. I am not a Buddhist, although I wish I were in many ways, but have been a big fan of Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali during my parenting years. I have been re-reading her three books (I always know I am a bit out of control when I find myself searching out her words of wisdom!) lately. The last time I read them I promised myself I would start trying to find time to meditate. I did not as it was about 2 months before the twins were born! Who was I kidding?

Anyway, as I work my way through the first book again, I made the same promise to myself, and this time, I actually did seek out the opportunity to learn to meditate. I would have to say it was excrutiating! My mind is crazy, going a mile a minute. I found it so hard to sit still, to stop my mind from wandering, to just be.

I know I really need it because it was so darned hard.

What's more, since my "lesson" on Wednesday night, I haven't found even one minute to practise. My teacher, Jane, said it would be good if I could do 5 minutes a day. A little each day is much better than one big chunk the night before the next lesson (does she know me from somewhere? Me? Cram the night before the exam? Ha!).

So, now, in addition to sticking to 26 Points a day (I am doing much better this week after the last weigh in), exercising 3 times a week (have done 2 C25k runs this week with my third booked for tomorrow morning), I now have to find time to meditate each day too. Healthy body, healthy mind. That's what I am aiming for.

It doesn't leave much time to blog now does it?

Monday, 8 February 2010

Having a retro moment

Well I am back in the 80s. Wrong way. Please go back...


I had a bad feeling about this week. I had my sneaky mid-week weigh in and I had put on 600g, so I spent the second half of the week eating soup and salads. I thought I would be up but was not prepared for the number on the scales this morning. 81.8! I have put on 2.8kg in one week!! How is that even possible???? After I got off said scales (aghast with horror), I thought "that can't be right!". I haven't had a binge, drunk too much alcohol, or even blown my Points this week (saved a total of 5.5 for the week). What the??? So I got back on. 81.0. Again. 79.6. Again. 81.1. Moved scales to another location and got on again. 80.7. Do you get the picture?


My new scales are just as unreliable as my old ones. Sigh. I don't know if this is new (maybe I never weighed 79.0 it was just a dummy reading?) or if the batteries are no longer working?


So I don't think I can reliably tell you what my weight is this week, but I can say that it is probably up on last week. I lodged the 2.8kg into my online WI. Crappy and disappointing.... The situation with my stinky, still wet ( will this moisture ever leave the air?) rugs is only adding to my misery.


Plan - new battery. Weigh in tomorrow. Organise cleaner for my rugs to improve the stench in this house.


Already feeling a bit better (hopefully the scales will be kinder with the new batteries in?). On a good note, I start my C25k this evening with my new shoes! Bra situation still not completely sorted, but have rediscovered an old sports bra in the bottom of my drawer and will give it a test tonight. Should be interesting. Will report back tomorrow.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

It's becoming biblical around here

First there was Noah (or Nugget as I refer to him).



Then there was the twins (you know "two by two" and all that?)



And now, the flood...



We woke up this morning to a completely flooded kitchen and living space. The torrential rain overnight has wreaked havoc. Our floorboards were soaked (with leakage into the garage below). Worse still, our rugs are soaked (any suggestions?). The rain continues today, so there is nowhere to dry said rugs or all the towels I have used trying to soak up the excess water. It is literally chaotic with my two babies crawling all over the place, children's chairs stuffed under the rugs to keep them off the ground for airing, and EVERYTHING damp. To top it off, the Geege, who was meant to be on a rare day off today, has had to go into work. All of this to deal with on my own...



The familiar tug of snack foods has been there today (as it has been much of this miserable week). I have been keeping myself busy, and I just made a big pot of low-Point Lentil and Pumpkin soup (http://www.weightwatchers.com.au/util/prt/recipe.aspx?Type=1&RecipeID=33831) so hopefully that will suffice when the long afternoon stretches out.



Gotta go. Lentils to eat, babies to feed, bottoms to wipe. You know, all in a days work. Weigh tomorrow. Thinking skinny thoughts...

Thursday, 4 February 2010

C25k - Couch to 5kms in 9 weeks...

I must say that I am struggling this week. I have been sticking to the Points plan, but I just feel less content. It all started when I posted my weigh in and the WW online program reprimanded me! Apparently I am losing weight too quickly (never thought that would be my problem, lol) and it is recommended that I see my doctor. All this week I have been wondering if I should? I think everything is all right. I feel pretty good (somewhat tired, but that is the norm for me after nearly 5 years of sleep deprivation). I certainly look alright (am back in my pre-baby jeans if you can forgive the tummy overhang?). Anyway, all of this has me trying NOT to lose too much weight this week and that means I am back to snacking. Urgh...





I counter-balance some of this negative thinking, I hit the Weight Watchers community forum. I flicked through a few threads and found a couple of really interesting things. Firstly, there is a "virtual onlince class". Each week anyone on the online program who wants to can log their weigh in results. It is a really good idea - another thing to keep you accountable. I think there were about 50 posts this week, so I certainly didn't read the whole thing, but the onliners seem to find this a useful tool. I don't really need to post there as I have the Kidspot community to keep me accountable (and you do I can assure you!) but it might help anyone else out there who is doing the program online?





I also found this mad group of women (I won't put any identifying features here in case they find it offensive), but let's just say these girls are serious about weighloss (some have lost up to 40kgs on the WW program) but not serious about anything else. They are very funny and I look forward to reading about their lives each day. They have introduced me to a fantastic website that I want to share with you.



The background

I asked my new online buddies about learning to run (they all seem to be very into exercise you see, but many do not go to the gym choosing to work-out outside, like I prefer to do). I have always wanted to be a runner and have never been very good at it. I fugure I MUST be able to become a runner? Anyway, it turns out that there are millions of people like myself, all over the world, and there is a program available to help.



C25k

Initially, I thought the new online buddies were talking to each other in code. What the heck is Week 3 of C25k? I googled it and viola, a whole new world opened up! C25k stands for Couch to 5kms i.e. learning to run 5kms from scratch in just 9 weeks. Sounds perfect? There is a website www.c25k.com which has all the materials a person could need to follow this plan. There is a 9 week guide, maps, ideas, you name it, you'll find it somewhere on the site. And, the best bit, there are free downloadable Podcasts! Love it!





So, I have a few days to get myself equipped - need new bra and new running shoes (Thank God the Geege owns an outdoor store so I can get some good shoes without much hassle). I will download the Podcasts and be running from Monday. Anyone want to join me??



Feeling better already. Thanks for the download x

Monday, 1 February 2010

Top five WW tips!

I felt sure that I had blown it this week. What, with the Australia Day BBQ, and then my 'date night' with the Geege last night, I was certain it would be the end of my losing streak. But, hooray for me, I lost another 1.2kg. I am officially back in the 70s. 79.0kg to be exact. It is hard to believe but I have lost 8.9kgs since we started this weightloss effort on December 28, 2009. I am absolutely stoked!



I thought it time that I shared my TOP FIVE teachings from the Weight Watchers Program.



1. Serving size is an exact science - when I make a meal that says "serves 4", it really does mean four! This means, serve up 4 portions and eat only one. My husband often eats one and a half because he says he is "a growing boy", I have one and the four kids finish the rest between them (that won't last long with 3 boys in the family, but for now it works really well). Prior to this Weight Watchers experience, I think my husband and I were eating all four portions between us. Might explain some of the excess weight we are carrying...



2. Try some of the Weight Watchers recipes - not only are the recipes really tasty, they are also very easy to cook. I have been having WW meals for dinner every night as they are low in Points and (the best bit) already broken up into the Points per serving so I don't have to work it out for myself. Some of the so-called "low fat" recipes from my other cook books are 10 Points per serve (about half your daily allowance), but the WW ones tend to be between 5 and 7 Points. Check out the website (www.weightwatchers.com.au). I think my favourite so far has been Chicken with Black Bean Sauce (http://www.weightwatchers.com.au/util/prt/recipe.aspx?Type=1&RecipeID=5821).



3. Don't snack your Points away - I have not been buying any snacks that are high in Points (max 2.5 Points). If the Geege wants some chocolate (my biggest temptation!), he picks it up on his way home from work so it is not sitting in the house for me to have. Any leftovers are then taken to work in his lunchbox! Having said that, I have indulged in a few squares of chocolate from time to time so that I don't feel "deprived". Small amounts, eaten less often taste even sweeter in my experience. A REAL treat! Otherwise we eat rice crackers, WW fruit cereal bars, fresh fruit or a couple of Natural Confectionary snakes.



4. Drinks carry Points values too - I have swapped my usual daily cordials for water and from fat Coke to diet Coke. I must say the number of Points in drinks was a little surprising to me (2.5 Points for a can of Coke). I think I have been drinking myself fat with all the sugary drinks I have consumed to combat sleep deprivation these past few years.



5. Keep moving - I have managed to walk 2-3 times per week for the past month. I walk for about 40 minutes, sometimes alone (the best!) but often pushing 2-3 kids in the pram (we have a skateboard attached for Doo Dah). I try to go the same times each week (like a scheduled gym class) so I can "fit it in". I also just try to be more active daily - you know, less yelling and more getting off the couch to referee the latest sibling clash. I am still dreaming of ways to add variation to my exercise routine (apart from having 3 different routes for the week). The Geege and I are going to go indoor rock climbing (something we used to do regularly) on our next "date night". We also have a night bushwalk planned when we can get our next babysitter. (NB the date night thing is new to us, another New year's resolution and a topic for another blog post I think).



And that is it. I have more things that I have learnt, but I will share them next time.



This week's goal is back to pre-baby weight (78kg). I look nothing like I used to (my tummy still sticks out further than my boobs, which is quite a feat considering I am breast-feeding twins!) but perhaps I will weigh a similar amount in less time than I thought possible.
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