Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Family unplanning Part 2

I was thinking today that I would like another baby. Do not despair family! I don't *actually* want to have another pregnancy or newborn. I, in fact, have no intention of *having* another child I doubt my body could handle it, but I would really love for the Minx to have a sister. In an ideal world, I think all girls would have a sister.

This got me thinking about the other part of family planning that you just can't guarantee; the sex of your children. I know there are books available to help you 'plan' the sex of your child. And I know that people are creating 'designer' babies these days (I have my suspicions about Posh and Becks, you?), but for the average Joe, you get what you get.

Before I had children, I had no preconceptions about whether I would parent boys or girls. It didn't bother me. And when Doo Dah came along, my second boy in 20 months, it never occurred to me to 'want' a girl. I was lucky to have had two healthy babies. Two little brothers. They were my family. How could I want for anything else?

And then we decided to have a third child. When I was pregnant (with twins as it turned out), people always asked me, "Are you hoping for a girl?" At that point in time, the statistical likelihood of me having a girl was minuscule. I had convinced myself that I would be a Mum of sons (what's not to like about three little boys?). I always answered that I was hoping to get through the pregnancy. One day at a time.

And then we found out there were two. I was broken. I said to the Geege, "Oh God! I don't know if I can handle FOUR boys." He smiled, knowingly and said "We get what we get".

We deliberately didn't find out the sex of the babies during the pregnancy. I said I wanted a surprise but really I didn't want to have time to dwell on dream about my life with four boys before it was a reality. Once they were out I would love them no matter what. When they were in there, I was convinced that I could talk myself into a depression just imagining the testosterone levels in the house!

Fast forward three years and we are a family of six. Three little boys and one little girl. The Minx (Princess Dirt) goes okay, but oh how I wish she had another player in her camp. I see the boys 'gang up' on her and cringe just a little. She will always be a girl with brothers. I know plenty of friends who are. They are happy and well-rounded and amazing and interesting. But, they all wish they had a sister.

Did you try to influence the gender of your children? How did you do it? Would you consider having another child just so your daughter had a sister or son had a brother?


Anonymous said...

I think you love whatever you get in your siblings. I have 2 brothers and a sister, and while I played more with my sister, I idolised both big brothers. It was just wonderful to be part of 'the club'.
Brothers probably teach girls a lot more than you think: loyalty, adventure, protection.

Julie said...

The title of this post caught my attention because we did not influence anything about our family!

We took 2 years to get pregnant with #1, then had #2 14 months later and #3 16 months after that. I didn't even plan to become pregnant 2nd and 3rd time around let alone plan the gender balance of our family.

Having said that, having grown up with 1 brother, 3 years younger than me and with quite a closed personality (we are not close), I was quite happy when I ended up with 2 little girls (and a boy in between them).

I always wanted a sister, and I am happy that my girls got that. I know it may not all work out as romantically as in my dreams. The girls are now 3 and 9 months, so I haven't seen much of how their personalities will interact yet.

Amy said...

I have three brothers, and I always longed for a sister.

Even now, as an adult with two sons, I long for a daughter to complete that lack of female companionship in my life. I know that if we did get pregnant again, we'd probably just have another boy (three boys! Eeek!) and also that we can't really afford (financially or emotionally) three children of ANY gender- but I'll always feel like I'm missing out on something for not having a daughter.

Miss Mandy said...

I have four younger brothers, but I only grew up with two of them, the other two weren't born until I was 20 - 21 years old.
I feel like I've been ripped off my whole life for never having a sister. My sister in law is a fabulous substitute, she is the best, but still, that is how I've felt.
I was over the moon when my first child was a girl, first girl in the family since me! And when my next one came along, everyone thought I'd want a boy, but I just wanted lulu to have a sister. No such luck, and no suck luck third time round. So now, she will suffer the same fate.
We've talked about another, I'd probably do it if I was guaranteed a girl, don't get me wrong I LOVE my boys beyond words, but I can't help feel she's going to spend the rest of her life feeling ripped off that she doesn't have a sister! I'll shut up now! lol.

Coal Valley View said...

Oh dear! Any girls out there who don't have a sister and love it??? Anyone?

I have the exact same combination as you MM. Except I had a girl first and then a boy and then boy twins so the dynamics are slightly different in that my girl dictates the state of play in our family with the boys willingly participating in whatever she decides to do :-) So she is ok. For now.

She loves her brothers but sometimes says she wishes she had a sister. Is it because I am the eldest of 3 girls and she sees my interactions with my sisters. Is it because people are ALWAYS saying to her with a stupid sympathetic tone "Oh, you're the only girl in the family with ALL those boys!!". Who knows!

Isn't it always the way that we zero in on what we don't have and make a much bigger deal out of it than it actually is. So many people say to me, oh you are so lucky to have a girl and a boy. Really? I feel fortunate to have children full stop. I view them all as individual souls, with their sex being just one part of their identity.

So to answer your question, no, we never did anything to influence the gender of our children and no I wouldn't have another child in the hope she could have a sister. For every girl I know who adores her sister there is one that doesn't get along with her sister. I'm hoping she will continue to have a close bond with her brothers, maybe close girlfriends or sister-in-laws/partners down the track. If not, then that's life.

Goodness, I could have written a whole blog post on this! Sorry :-)

Kymmie said...

Oh, this is something that we all talk about, and something that people ask us constantly!!

I can see how you feel and my best friend felt the same way. You see, she had three boys and then had a girl. Went for a fifth (hoping for a girl) and got another boy. I think she's finished! But always hoped she'd have a playmate for her girl.

As for us, we are still asked if we will try for a girl. But we already have two. My husband has two girls from his first marriage, and the fact we had two boys makes it perfect.

That being said, I was so thrilled to have two boys, but there are sometimes moments (just little ones) when I think, "Oh wouldn't a girl be sweet." But I know I have all I can handle. Plus, anymore in this family and my husband might just divorce me ;)

Great post Coo. xx

Kymmie said...

By the way, The Minx is GORGEOUS!


Christie - Childhood 101 said...

I have a good friend who had two boys and became pregnant again as her husband desperately wanted a girl and they ended up with twins too but there's were boys! I imagine the jump from two to four is huge, whatever their sex!

Photographer Mum said...

You know, this idea has been playing on my mind for a while now. I had to wait till I was 8 before I got a sister and I absolutely loved her to death (still do), I was such a little mother to her and I so long to give Miss 4 a little sister, just like I had (that and the fact that she has asked me for one on numerous occasions). I look at the kids some days and think its a great dynamic, just 3, but there are the other days where I think someone is missing and I want to have another one. Timing isn't right for now, but who knows, maybe in the next few years there might be another one.
As for trying to influence the gender of a baby, I wouldn't have a clue on where to start. I have always accepted the fact that you get what you're given.

Toni said...

I had my kids in batches -

4 boys and a girl

then 1 boy and 1 girl --

but by then everyone else had left home so my poor littlest girl hasn't had a sister to play with.
She drew herself one and named it Elizabeth, which was cute but sorta sad, too.

I have two sisters and I wouldn't swap them for quids.

Posie Patchwork said...

Ha, i promised my husband i would have sons, as he only has sisters. We had a girl first & he said "right, let's see about this time of month to make a boy routine" & while we attempted to make a boy, we got twin girls!!
So he finally worked out that abstenace was going to a boy - so with only a weekend to 'get pregnant' between 2 x 3 month courses with the Army, he said, this is it, we're making a boy & we did!! I think 4 girls would have been fun, crazy, wild & well, i think it's nice to have at least one of each gender.
I got the 'trying for a boy' question ALL the time with my pregnant belly & 3 girls, i'd just said "just a 4th" & i really didn't mind. Happy & healthy, that's how we roll. Love Posie

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh my husband's aunties, are twins & one of their friends had two sets of boy twins in 11 months, so consider that C - 4 boys in under a year, OMG!! That could not be far from quadruplets really. I bet those boys had a ball growing up together. Love Posie

InkPaperPen said...

I have one brother, I haven't really ever thought about what it would be like to have a sister. It just seems strange to think of me having anything other than one younger brother! I have my two boys and people ALWAYS ask if we will try for a girl. We might try for a third child at some point but I don't think I care whether we have a boy or girl. Either would be lovely. The Minx is a gorgeous little thing


Erin said...

Q1: I've been tempted;) but resisted.
Q2: Generally speaking intercourse prior to day of ovulation results in a girl, ovulation day and the three days after is a boy.
Q3: Umm;)no not really, but it is nice to have siblings of both genders.

Nurture the Little People said...

It's funny that you should write about this, because I have been thinking about this a lot. Do we go for number three. What if it's another boy? I love my boys and I loved being pregnant and really I wouldn't mind another boy, but a part of me would love a little girl too.
I have a brother who was older than me. Hubby has a sister.
I am now just open to fate. I don't plan, I am not "trying".
Great post

Rhonda said...

I just want another baby...boy or girl. Doesn't matter.

Renee said...

Great post - and so so true! My mum comes from a family of five - four boys and then she's the youngest - finally a girl! My Nana said she had given up expecting a girl so couldn't believe it when she had one.

I have two girls at the moment, we're contemplating having a third, I almost think three of the same sex may be easier than having one on it's own, though on the other hand I'd love a little boy too.

PS I'm totally suss about Posh and Becks - manufactured much? ;-)

Naomi Hart said...

when i was pregnant someone said to my husband and i 'every man secretly wants a son' so then i had that in my head although there wasn't a thing i could do about it. my girl arrived and i was thrilled, we suspected a girl, although as i only have brothers (3) part of me wondered if i would grow boys too. now i dunno, you get what you get. although my friend did eat certain foods to get a girl - and it worked...perhaps. or maybe it was what was going to happen anyway. healthy, happy and here. that's all i want.

Seana Smith said...

We are living parallel lives! I had the two boys then girl/boy twins, am delighted to have a little girl but wish she had a sister. Like you I have two sisters and can't imagine just having brothers. She loves doing girly things and the boys love to interupt her, annoying.

No more for us though, sorry wee lasses.

Maxabella said...

Well, I agree that sisters rock! But it may comfort you to know that from time to time Max asks if he could have a brother... I take comfort in the 5 boy cousins that he will be close to all his life. The Minx will have her sister-cousins too. x

♥α§ђ£ε¥™♥ said...

I remember when I was younger, it was myself and my brother for quite a while. My mom had a miscarriage after my brother, but didn't tell me this until I was a teenager, then when my brother was 5 and I was almost 8 finally got preggo one last time. Both of us fought fervently for the gender of our choice, and our parents must have enjoyed either keeping the secret or watching us battle for having a brother or sister. In the end, I won out and got my little sister. I adore her to bits and pieces. If I had a little brother, some moving around would have had to be done, but I probably would have gotten over it, as I was 8 by the time, and there's a huge age gap between us, so there's really not much "playmate" going on between us. I do share down stuff with her, stories and tips and whatnot, but the age gap kind of brings us apart. I think I would have rather had a sister sooner, but I'm glad I have what I have!! My brother has become more tolerable, too, over the years....

small catalogue said...

I have a clutch of brothers. I remember asking for a 'baby' but not really minding if it was a girl or a boy. I wish for a sibling for my wee one. Maybe one day.

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