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2. You will be told exactly what they will be doing when you get into the operating theatre. When you have no way to escape.
3. They will chat to you while drawing lines all over you (no ruler) while you stand semi-naked with six doctors looking at you and the drawer of said lines has his face at fanny height.
4. You will feel like you have been sawn in half, like one of those magic tricks gone wrong.
5. You will have drains coming out of your body for a week. These will need to be carried around in a pillow case when you stroll the corridor with the physio and will feel very strange indeed when they are eventually removed .
6.You will have numerous cannulas in your arms that will cause you pain every time you bend your elbow. These will be used to give you regular pain relief and antibiotics. You will still need needles when they need to take blood from you. Which they will.
7. The pain relief medication will knock you about so much that you will fall asleep for short intervals, day and night, so that you eventually come to realise just why the hospital movie channels run all night long.
8. They will give you a heparin shot in your leg every day. The bruises will act like a visual reminder of how long you have been hospitalised.
9. You will be sent home with little information and asked to do as little as possible. Even if you are the mother of four.
10. If you manage to find the funny side, you will feel like your stitches are coming apart every time you laugh. So you hold your stomach and tell the humorist to stop. Even though the laugh was the best thing that has happened to you in over a week.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T to people who volunteer for this kind of surgery. You are way tougher than me.